{GUEST POST} Screaming into the Night is Not Getting Me Where I Want to Be

Hey! Prime here. Today’s guest post is from one of my biggest derby crushes, Scuttlebutt Jibber Jabber. Enjoy!

Hello everyone.

I have never written a blog or a testimonial before. I am not sure where to begin, really, but I would like to share with you my  journey from self deprecation and self destruction to a healthier mindset about training, roller derby, and myself as a person.

Before roller derby, I had never played an organized sport. I barely made eye contact with people in general, so the idea of interacting with a group of them wasn’t really my desire. In 2006 I was in college and my self esteem and negative perception of my weight and self worth was in the realm of say…seriously fucked up.

I had a very “all or nothing” mentality when it came to the gym.

I went to the gym to lose weight (looking back…I wonder what weight there was to be worried about). I starved myself (900-1200 calories daily), knew nothing of strength training, lifted all the weights, and did all the cardio machines. 6 days a week, 2 hours a day.

Boy did I lose the weight! But I was weak, I couldn’t sleep well and I injured myself a lot.

After I started playing roller derby in 2009, I went to all the practices; as many as I could (3-4 practices weekly). In the beginning I was mainly focused on developing those basic skills to actually PLAY the sport. But after I was able to hang, I had been told about outside training as well and I did the only thing I knew how: become crazy obsessive and unhealthy.

On top of going to an incredible amount of practices, I also went to the gym 3-4 times a week. Anything less and I saw myself as a loser; a person not fully committed. Someone not deserving of the team I was on or the title of captain I had. If I missed a practice or a gym day, I was a piece of human garbage.

So here I was, going full tilt, thinking about how amazing I was doing and how dedicated I was.

All the while, I would get injured.

My shoulders would routinely pull and I would be unable to move my head without serious pain. I wasn’t even able to get out of bed at times! This would happen, then I would return to my normal regimen when I was just barely able to move. Then I would pull a groin muscle. A week later I was back in the gym doing (very careful) jump lunges.  And I would get injured over. And over. And over again.

Then I finally did it. In 2014, I was skating in the skate park for hours; exhausted, but excited and happy with learning new tricks and feeling great. I decided to jump into the big bowl on my first day because “go big or get off the track”, right?

I ended up in Urgent Care with a grade II tear in my left MCL and was on crutches for 5 weeks. I was unable to skate for 3 months, which was torture.

As I was sitting on a BOSU ball doing my PT, rocking back and forth, trying to get my knee to stretch, and crying, I remember thinking:

I’ll never again take my body for granted. I will take care of myself from now on.

That meant: GO TO ALL THE PRACTICES, ALL THE TIME and workout at the gym HARDER.

I was healed and back at it by January 2015. I was doing 25 minutes of weight lifting, then 40 minutes of HIIT, and finishing off with a good ol’ cardio routine for, say, 15-20 minutes. (Sometime with weights. Wait, what? Didn’t I do weights already? Oh well…lets’ get those sets in.)

This is when Prime stepped in.

Because of her, I was able to take a look at specifics.

  • What is my end goal?
  • Do I want to be strong so I can push those crazy tight walls?
  • Do I NEVER WANT TO BE INJURED AGAIN?
  • What types of exercises should we do to reach my goals?
  • What do I enjoy doing?

Then we sat down and looked at the what my training days would look like from now on, and I will not lie when I say that I freaked out a little. Going to the gym only twice a week?! 40 minute sessions?!  In the end, I was able to understand and finally realize that going 110% full throttle, screaming into the night is not getting me to where I want to be.

Intelligent cross training, at least for me, is purely mental. I learned it was okay to be working out for just 40 minutes or less. That I needed rest days to allow my body to heal so I could become stronger. I didn’t and shouldn’t have to count my calories to gain better eating habits. That I love wine and pizza and, dammit, I am still going to have that in my life and still be healthy and not feel the pressing foodie guilt.

I guess, in the end, after all the horror I have inflicted on myself, Prime taught me how to love myself by taking control of my insecurities and not allowing it to dictate how to train.

I am here to tell you it works. I gained 20 pounds but I have never looked better. I am strong. I am able to ram into a wall and keep moving forward without wanting to vomit all over myself. I am so grateful for Prime’s training because now that I am pregnant, I am able to control my impulses and take it easy on my body. It’s a constant struggle, changing your mindset after years and years of self hatred fueled by unrealistic expectations of yourself.

But I’m determined! And I am excited because I know when I return to roller derby next year, I will be totally ready to kick some ass.


Want more?

If you’re interested in learning the basics of Intelligent Cross Training for yourself, sign up for the 7 Day Intelligent Cross Training Crash Course. It will take you through some of the big rocks of #intelligentcrosstraining and teach you how to schedule your practices and cross training commitments so that you get the most out of it.

I can’t wait to share it with you! Sign up ==> HERE <== and get the scoop.

IronOctopusFitness

About IronOctopusFitness

Online athletic training and nutrition coach, full-time mom, okay skater, and connoisseur of all things tea, chocolate, and roller derby. I'll help you unleash your inner athlete by building a strong, capable body that can withstand whatever life throws at you.

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